Texas Trail Mix

Missing Miss Independent

2009-07-04T16:25:00.000-07:00

It's been a year since I've seen her. I shared an office with her for a few years. She was my confidante, and I was hers. We shared many things: laughs, tears, advice, all the way down the list starting with business projects and ending with recipes. Her name was Brona and I miss her each day.

It's been a year since I've seen her, you see, because in about two more weeks, it will be the one-year anniversary of her death. And while we've all had no choice for our lives but to go on in spite of her marked absence, I don't have personal closure. I've accepted her death, but I always have the naggy feeling that so many things were left undone.

She was born into a life of communism...and would receive her liberation from that communist way of life in her teenage years (if I am not mistaken about the timeline.) And, if I have this right, she became a US citizen circa the year 2000.

If I had to think of a single word to describe her I would go with the word "complex." She made things harder than they had to be. She wanted what she wanted and that was that! She was a perfectionist, often to her detriment. She was conflicted, and she was shy. But what she lacked in confidence she made up for with her gentle heart and her simple passions. When she come from behind her veil, so to speak, she had a fire burning there. And she gave me such smiles, you see, because she was downright adorable sometimes! Like the way she said the word "alphabetize" with the accents in all the wrong places... or how despite her mastery of the English language, she sometimes missed the little nuances, such as phrasing like "tickled pink..."

Anyhow, besides watching a dear friend receive last rites last July, I think of her always on July 4th specifically. Isn't it odd that Independence Day would remind me of an immigrant? Well, one July 4th, a group of us went to see a fireworks display. You know the kind...you spend a lot of time finding parking, you sweat and walk and walk and walk til you plant yourself somewhere.

So we all did that. We found an opening in the crowd and there we began our decent...come to find, to Brona's dismay. "Why are you stopping here?" She wanted to know. SHE wanted to be, no she DEMANDED to be right under the very center where the fireworks could be viewed...directly beneath them. Not to the south a little. Not at an angle but DIRECTLY beneath the display....close to where the orchestra speakers were located (where you couldn't hear yourself think...mind you.) I thought this odd. She would not stay with the rest of the group and we were kind of fond of resting where we were. She and her husband Mark ventured forth. I didn't think much of it; Brona was gonna do what Brona was gonna do. It was not until later after the fireworks that we were reunited with them.

As we left the fireworks show, all of us together, she asked me to walk with her separately. Her eyes filled with tears and she told me, "To you this is just another fireworks show. I suppose you've seen these every year since you were born, but I haven't. This is important to me, to be independent. To be free. To be in America. To be DIRECTLY under the fireworks when it starts and to be there until it ends."

I recall not knowing what to say for a moment. So I took her hand and held it for a short bit...I can't say why but sometimes I held her hand off and on through life when there were no words. The last time I saw her in the hospital on life-support, in fact, I held her hand once more.

As I write this, my throat is sore from holding back tears because oh! what I would give to trek across the entire crowd in 100+ degree heat, just to stand in the middle with her now!

But I'll tell you what, she certainly is free and will be forever more. And the view of those fireworks from (directly) ABOVE this time, are, I am convinced, nothing short of spectacular.

Enjoy your independence.
Happy Birthday America.

The Way Old Friends Do...

2009-07-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

My darling Sydney is 8 years old. She's the joy of my life. I watch her now with her friends and at times I wonder, "Could this friend be one she will have for all the rest of her life?" I have a number of friendships that have continued through the years... the kind that never ended despite distance and time. I am talking about the ones that go back as far as childhood...those that never ended.

I believe it's true that friendships high in quality do not happen by mistake. It takes much love, respect and effort, especially through adulthood.

So I begin with my oldest friend. Jean Ann lived down the street from me when we were in elementary school. We've talked many times about this and have traced our first meeting back to circa 1980, not much older than Sydney is now. So it is that with Jean Ann, I have the longest sustained friendship of any other in my life. I could spend hours recounting the Barbie dolls, the tears and the laughter and all those episodes of Love Boat. While I am not in touch with Jean Ann each day, I don't have to be. I am secure knowing that she is there for me and I know she feels this same way for me.

Next, the cute blonde guy playing Pac Man at the Johnson Corner Grocery Store: I met Fred when I was 11 years old. I could never have known on that day that I would become friends with this person who, in the year 2009, would come to my home in Texas and draw pictures with my child over dinner! He is a part of my history, and this friendship is a forever one. (He's also given me exclusive insight to how a man's mind works. I feel it is for my own good to know this! So hat's off to Fred for keeping me in the know!)

Now let's talk about Susan... who I met at the age of about 12. One night Susan and I checked on our babies sleeping in their little cribs/beds in the same room and a chill went down my spine in that moment. Isn't it quite something that this wonderful young woman who is one of the dearest friends I ever had is the same girl who I made prank calls with in 1983?

Kelly is the one I met for video games and pizza when we were 7th graders at Waller Junior High! Later, she was the one who drove me up and down Van Buren with the windows down, playing Van Halen and The Eagles... who still visits me in my home and who was there for me at the hardest time in my life...when my dad died. I saw her three months ago; precious is she to me. How could I have known that she would be my friend forever more?

Even back then I never dreamed I could possibly grow old with these darling friends! Well...here I am, 40 years old!

No, we never know who they are, do we? I look back now and I see what was there that made those particular friendships stand the test of time. What made them endure was moments of immense fun, laughter and trust, peppered with respect... and possessing the ability to continue to thrive even during times of boredom and personal growth (or lack there of!) These are the friends who do not judge you; they love you and they will not stop.

I hope many things for my child. One of these is that her life may be enriched as mine has been, with these kinds of historic bonds. For it is wonderful when you're lucky enough to share not only a present and future with someone you love all the way down to your core...but having that old history with someone: that's just priceless.

Four Score and Seven Years Ago...

2008-12-01T19:21:00.000-08:00

Four score and seven years ago, I used to blog and keep you posted, but man o man, I've been bad!

Now that my child has graduated high school...no just kiddin she's halfway through the second grade though. After many visits from the tooth fairy, several inches of growth, plenty of Girl Scout badges and being listed on the Dean's Honor Roll, I am finally here to tell you how we are doing. Thanks for anyone who still even thinks to come by here... I will promise as I always do to try and do better on this!

We went to Sea World for Halloween. What a delight! Anyone who hasn't been, plan your trip now! I can tell you it's well worth it.

Allright we have just finished our 2008 Gingerbread house. Let me know what you think!

Be sure to click the slideshow if you want to see it better. You know I am almost 40 and can't see anymore...so the thumbnail version is a bit too small for me...

With love to all, Lindy and Sydney

Hop on, Pop

2008-04-25T17:27:00.000-07:00

Here he is with his sister Barbara Ann.

His name was James Henry… and today, April 25th, is his birthday. I think, though I am no mathematician, that he would be 63, were he here now…and he was…no wait…he IS my dad. Just because God brought him on up to Heaven early doesn’t mean he stopped being my precious Daddy!

The last day of his life was in a hospital. He was miserable; told me so. I tried to have cheerful talk with him, recall reading him parts of the Enid newspaper. He told me to maintain my car’s oil changes…

I fed him some strange blue jello-it had blueberries in it- that he seemed to enjoy. I do recollect tearing February 22, 1997 from the daily calendar and popping that day into the trash bin to make way for the 23rd. He made it a few hours, but not quite to sun-up.

I honestly don’t know how long it was that I stood there. Might have been two minutes. Might have been 30 minutes… a lot of people came running and it seems to me there was a siren of sorts, and a PA system calling “code blue.” I do know that I had to get out of that room eventually; my body and mind were wired. I couldn’t see results fast enough by just standing there. I had to walk out of that room where they tried to revive him, if nothing else, for time passage. And here’s kind of a strange memory; I saw the door to the chapel as I waked a short distance down the hospital hallway, and yet, there were stacks of chairs and tables or something impeding my way into said chapel, as if to say “Nope! No chapel for you tonight!” Everything has a meaning, I thought. I turned away from the chapel and faced it standing instead of on my knees.

No…I still can’t get past that little nagging thought that I was SO supposed to have that man in my life for so much longer. But I always said, even in the days following his death, that I would rather have a short life with him as my dad than a whole lifetime of anyone else. So all along I’ve known how lucky I was. I was also lucky to have been beside him as he went to his peaceful reward. I feel I accompanied him to meet God, and that God was delighted!

Anyhoo, among many things that my dad did well, he could write really great letters. When he wrote to me he always began with “Dear Lucy” and signed simply “Pop” at the end. I really have missed so many things about Daddy but he always knew what to say. He was THE MAN with the answers! I am STILL SO MAD I still can’t get ANY ANSWERS!!

But now listen to this… it’s really weird; I’ve been told increasingly over the years that I can really compose great letters! I think it’s kinda funny! Maybe he’s channeling through me! If he is, I’d just as soon know it. Send me a sign, James!

Happy Birthday Daddy. I am sorry when I was 17 I forgot your birthday for half a day. May you always know that I never have forgotten it since, and never shall again. With each passing day, I see who you were and what you wanted yet never quite got to be. I wish I could have gotten through to you how wonderful you were. That is one thing I don’t think you ever realized.

You always said to me “I love you.”
And I said, “I love you more.”
And then you always replied, “There is no more.”

But I do love you more.
Oh yes, I do.

Love,
Your Lucy

Our Nation's Capitol

2008-04-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

Can you believe we went to Washington DC and I never even showed the pics to anyone? (Can you believe I went on a trip with my ex-husband? Well, we decided, hey...why NOT still take the tyke on a "family vacation" or two in this lifetime? So we did.)

How could I forget to show the world these unforgettable photos?

All of us agree our very favorite spot was Mt Vernon. To stand in the home of George Washington himself and to know this was his office, his books, his back porch, was amazing. We even saw the bed he died in, the colors he and his wife chose for decor, their dishes...

Have you ever wondered...If not for George Washington, would we even be?

Anyhow, if you've not seen anything in America to make you proud in awhile, go to Washington DC! Freedom and beauty will surround you, and remind you how lucky you really are. Who can't use that reminder?

Foil Packs

2008-04-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

So you can put anything in your Foil Pack. Sydney filled hers with ground beef, chicken, rice, onion and peas. I thought that was a great combo. Then you fold it all up and place it on the fire. In a few minutes, voila! Dinner is served!

We had a great time camping. It was perfect weather, if not a bit cold at night (down to 40 degrees I think) but what did we care? Sydney and I slept in the cozy lodge both nights! Why? Cos we could!

I think I like being in Girls Scouts!
I KNOW Sydney does!

Tell me, how do you like to camp? Like a woosie in the cabin? Or FOR REAL in the woods with the raccoons and spideys?

What's It Been? 100 Years?

2008-04-05T19:49:00.001-07:00

Here are some pics so you can see what we're up to!

Our 2007 House

2007-12-09T17:01:00.000-08:00

To the Parade

2007-11-27T20:18:00.000-08:00

We wanted to bring our veteran with us to the Vet's Day parade.
Here is Sydney wearing his dog tags...right up against her heart, were they.

Rollin Rollin Rollin...

2007-08-05T17:27:00.000-07:00

My GF Carlee and I took the kids bowling. Here are some pics of the 6 year old EXCELLENTE bowlers. We had a really good time...that is... until the end, when Sydney pretty much had a surprising poor-losers' meltdown as she learned that we had been keeping score and she was not the winner. Ok so she came in 4th out of 4! We all know that's not the best feeling, but now it's apparent, we have to teach/learn some lessons in "ya win some; ya lose some." This is hard to teach to a wailing tyke who can't tie her own shoes yet... some of this lesson, you just have to feel in your own skin. We're working on it and making headway.

Anyhow, wanna tell ya about the bowling pics here...the ones where they are actually bowling. I know it looks like I got a great shot here...clicked the shutter at precisely the right nano-second...since bowling balls go down that alley rather quickly.

But let me just tell you... I had LONG PERIODS OF TIME to get these shots of the kids as the balls made....their...way...down...the...alley...very....very...very...slooooooooowly...! At times I wasn't sure the balls would make it all the way at all, if you understand me. It was adorable, but Carlee and I pretended not to notice!

Anyway, don't forget, the lesson is: just have fun! NO matter who wins or loses! A good time was had by all, and that is what we went for!

Wax On, Wax Off

2007-07-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I taught Sydney the word and the meaning of SPONTANEOUS. Suddenly, I said to her, "Let's go to Louis Tusseaud's Wax Museum in Grand Prairie!"

So all the way there, of course, I was telling her about the wax statues. First thing we saw was Captain Kirk and so I just HAD to take a picture for Daddy and Uncle Omar, the family Trekkies. I don't think she knows just who she was posing with but she did it anyhow. What a trouper!

You've never seen a girl more excited to stand beside George Washington in all your life! She is quite patriotic! She gets thrilled when she sees Lincoln as well but she is truly delighted with Washington, and also anytime we see the word "Washington" in general, that is a thrill! I of course photographed her alongside him, stating to her that it might be her only chance to stand by the First President of the United States for a photo op! (She kept asking me if he was dead...she also wants to know if George Bush will die when he is no longer the President. I know some probably wish that he would but anyhoo...I digress...)

She was very impressed by Jesus in particular at the museum. There was an entire area devoted to His life (and death.) Of course in this photo here, He is speaking to his disciples, and the Wax Museum had a nice recording that quoted His sermon playing over their speakers as we viewed this display. She's a smart girl. She heard the voice and thought it was Jesus! "Mommy, I think it's nice that they have recordings of Jesus' voice so that we can hear them in the Wax Museum..." Um...I don't think they had recorders back then, or Wax Museum Paparazzi on a hunt for the voice of Jesus...

She then asked me if there were photos of Jesus in "The Jesus Book" so we could look at this later when we got home. OK, did she mean "The Bible?" I know she did. (Does anyone know a good Sunday School we can go to next week coz we need to pray? Bigtime.)

Then when we finished, she asked to take the entire tour over again! So I asked the lady at the desk if we could go through once more and she said she was not supposed to let us do that, but she let us anyhow to get us out of her hair I think. Sydney wanted to go back and see Jesus again. She's such a good girl.

When we rounded the corner to The Last Supper, she kept nodding her head and saying with the most moving sincerity, "Poor poor Jesus..."

It was HILARIOUS! (isn't that awful?) I can't say why for sure, and I hope I am not going to H in a handbasket, but this stuff was funnnny! Other people in the museum were chuckling too so it wasn't just ME! I was wishing for Brian or someone to be there with me to laugh in secret during this!

Now really, I care about Jesus a great deal, and lasting impressions have been left on my heart and life, sincerely, upon the imaginings of what He went through, so I don't mean to make light of it. But this morning she was talking about Jesus again, and she said "poor, poor Jesus" again and well, sometimes you just wanna giggle. You wanna giggle a LOT.

TELL ME you're not gigglin'...

Happy F.D.

2007-07-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

Every year since Sydney was 2 weeks old, I have taken a picture of Sydney with this goofy sign I made back in 2001 for her sweet Daddy for Father's Day! Brian has a little album he keeps them in so you can see each of them. Wanted to share this year's Father's Day image with you! She's growin' like a weed so this year's pic was in the yard.

Independence

2007-07-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

OK, so starting on a small scale, I wanted to show Sydney that even amazing things can be accomplished when you work at it. You can set your mind to something, try new things and accomplish surprising things, while having fun. So we decided to make the dessert on the cover of the Martha Stewart magazine for July and serve it on the 4th!

OK so Martha's was a bit more perfect, but I am sure her team made hers, and without 6 year old in tow!

Summer Days

2007-07-02T16:03:00.001-07:00

I guess by now everyone knows that for some strange reason, we've been getting insane amounts of rain around here. But what's even stranger is the amount we're getting in the month of June. Now it's July, and well, let's just say Sydney and I had to wait for the rain to go overhead before we could play with our water balloons. (Now that doesn't make a lot of sense...did we not want to get wet or something?)

Anyhow, this morning Sydney came into my room while I was still in bed, and in the palm of her hand was her tooth! Number three for the Tooth Fairy! I've had to answer some pretty strange questions about this:
How much does the Tooth Fairy weigh? How tall is she? Where does she live? How can she carry all those teeth and the little pouches that she leaves full of quarters?

4th of July is the day after tomorrow. We are having Family Night. Sydney and I will be making a red, white and blue dessert from the front of the Martha Stewart magazine and then we will take it to Brian's to eat before fireworks...that is, IF it stops raining for the festivities!

But I'm not complaining. God gave us the rain; and God knows best.

Will Someone Tell Me, Please? Where Does the Time Go?

2007-06-04T19:18:00.001-07:00

She's Six. This makes me 38, though I could be older and in denial...I had to do the math by calculator last year because I could no longer recall if I was 38 or GOING-TO-BE 38!

So let's try to figure this out despite my Alzheimer's: it was 2001 when she was born. She may live all of the days of her life knowing she was planned, wanted, and desired by her parents and all her grandparents!

She smiles and is happy most every day. She draws little smilies in every sunshine in every landscape she creates. What better party theme for the age of six than a SMILEY-face party, I ask you?

A fun time was had by all...most especially the Angel From Heaven who is so far unable to decide whether she is outgoing or sheepish in this life.

For now, let's just call her the girl with everything!

From The Outskirts

2007-04-17T19:48:00.001-07:00

Spring has sprung! Do you ever see that incredible waving wheat, or that field of Texas Bluebonnets and think how glorious it would be to run and run through it, not a care in the world? When I was a kid, I used to want my dad to stop on road trips and let me do stuff like that, but he never would. Between Grandmother's house and ours, were the so-called Glass Mountains and do you think I ever got to once stop and find one "diamond" in the rough?

Nope, not once.

Well, I like to think if Daddy were here today he'd stop for Sydney to grab some glass rocks and he'd love every second of it. In fact, I am thinking it would have been his idea!

Anyhow...tiptoeing through the tulips... well it's not so perfectly whimsical as you might think, for those of you who have always wanted to try it but just never found the time. In fact, it's one of life's little disappointments, if I do say so myself!

First of all, there must've been about a million bees in this particular field. If you lean down til your ear is about four feet from the blooms, you can hear their simultanoues monotonous buzzing...sounds a bit like really tiny little bee-sized violins playing the same note over and over really fast. Reminds me of the 70's thriller The Killer Bees that I wasn't supposed to watch (but I kinda did one night over at my cousin Peggy and Andy's house..I couldn't have been more than six or seven years old!)

Well, back from the nostalgic days...
Sydney LONGED to run in this field the other day. I said to her as we parked the car, "Honey, sometimes a field of flowers is not so soft as it looks. Sometimes it might be prickly, dirty, or there might be bugs." You know...the whole "things-are-not-always-as-they-seem" conversation...

Well, for any of you who may not know this already, we have a little bug-phobia over at the homestead. So as predicted, she kind of...well there is no other way to put it other than this: PUBLIC FLIP OUT.

We were certainly CLOSE to the Bluebonnets, but not really IN the Bluebonnets!
Here are a couple of pics from the outskirts.

There's A Lot Riding on Your Tires...

2007-03-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

She wants to know what Martin Luther King Day is. So I take this opportunity to tell her about who he was and why we still celebrate his legacy today. Which isn't easy when she doesn't know what racism is in the first place. Also not easy since she is five, and sweet as pie. I think pretty fast about how far to go on this. I know my time will be short, as attention spans are not long at this juncture!

So I begin to tell her that he was a very important man to many people who were not treated as equals. I struggle about whether to tell her that he was shot; she's very tender and caring of course...but I decided that telling her that reality in a gentle way is the way to make racism understood a bit better.

So I tell her someone shot him long, long ago...and that he died.

She of course was immediately horrified and I continue so as to make my point, telling her he was shot because he was an African American man who was very special, and some very bad people who did not like people of other colors did this to him.

I know I only have a short window of opportunity here at this point, so I go on to say that we of course like ALL people of ALL colors and for someone to kill another person is terrible.

She asked me, "Was Martin Luther King like Jesus?"

I thought that was pretty smart. "Yes, kind of, he was." And I said a few things about Jesus, and how this could be considered similar....

She then asked me if Jesus was shot!

OH boy.

And then she asked me if her friends who are "brown," are going to be shot!

Uh oh.

I am digging myself in this hole and her attention span is about to go. So quickly I try to fix what I broke! Soon, she seems secure that her friends will not be shot.

And then she says: Momma...?

Me: Yes?

Her, after a thoughtful pause: Why is there air in tires?

Try, Try Again

2007-03-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

Sydney's Granny and Grandaddy take her skating on occasion when she visits their home in Hurst. I only learned yesterday that the rink is one that Brian, Sydney's Daddy skated in as a child too! How sweet is that?

Sydney has apparently progressed to such a point that she no longer needs the training "locked" skates. For the first time this weekend I got a chance to go with the ever-wonderful grandparents and see Sydney in action!

My daughter skates!
She moves, arms a'flailing, a few dramatic falls in the name of sympathy perhaps...
But she skates! And when she's down, she gets back up (eventually, she does!)

Watching her make her way around the rink, slow at first, gaining strength with practice, makes me proud, and it's a bitter sweet thing! I thought she was just a baby! Now I see her working so hard at something, not so mindful of the skill levels of others around her, but caught up in her own fun.

Ah but here is a perfect example of life in its ups and downs, with a little limbo thrown in for good measure.

It's a lesson all should heed,
Try, try, try again;
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try, try again.
Then your courage will appear,
If you only persevere,
You will conquer, never fear!
Try, try, try again.

My mom used to say that to me when I was a kid.
It's hard to wait for things, but it's true when they say
we must practice fearlessly.

Sydney seems to be getting this message. Thanks and love to the grandparents who help to show and teach her new things and teach her to believe in none other than herself.

What We Did For Spring Break!

2007-03-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

We spent a day at the gorgeous Dallas Arboretum. A picnic, long walks, playing in the water...we had the best time together. They even had a "Herbie" car covered in flowers that was a hit! Also, Sydney got a shorter haircut and a second visit from the tooth fairy! We went shopping, went to the nature perserve, slept late and cuddled, played with our new bubble machine that Sydney got as a reward for doing awesome new portaits. Wednesday we had dinner at Beni Hana with Brian, and then off she went to spend the rest of the break with him. They went to the Dallas Aquarium, the Fort Worth Zoo...we really packed it in and Sydney had a blast.

Was she ready to go back to school?
This morning she told me she would miss me and told me "your voice is as nice as you are."

Is that cute, or what?

Two months til Syd is six years old! Gotta start planning that party. She seems to want to invite kids to a ceramics shop, and the theme is colorful SMILEY FACES!
I think that is fitting for her, don't you?

Global Warming:Increasing Lava Flows

2007-02-14T19:03:00.001-08:00

Be Mine

2007-02-13T20:37:00.001-08:00

Friends n Babies

2007-02-13T13:32:00.000-08:00

My Darling Ronie and her super-cute blog inspired me to begin this one. And what better way to start my blog than with a photo of her angel with mine? Are they a pair or what? I remember the first day I met Ronie. And now look!

We've come along way Baby!

We can't wait to see you you next week!